The Up-and-Coming DJ (obviously his name wasn't really Regi - I have dated some fellas with odd names, but Regi would be a deal-breaker, especially spelled that way!)
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| … only he wasn't this cool. DJ Regi-Reg REPRESENTIN!! |
Background Info:
His name: He went by the name of Regi (pronounced like “Reggie” but only spelled with one g, because he was way cooler than anyone else who had ever spelled the name Reggie).
My age: 19
His age: probably the same, although I don’t remember discussing it.
His drug of choice at the time: the multiple times daily marijuana cigarette and anything with Jagermeister in it. ick.
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| i canNOT do some jager. simply cannot. |
My drink of choice at the time: Anything with Blue Curaçao.
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| i could seriously vomit right now. |
How we met: Sophomore English class at MTSU1.
Our first date: I don’t think we ever actually went on a “date” per se2.
Length of relationship: three weeks, tops…
Why it started: he was the first boy to pay me any attention after the coke head. That should suffice as explanation.
1. I remember this semester vividly. It was the first semester since the coke head debacle. I was super focused on school, commuting from home (thirty minutes from school), taking 18 credit hours and was extremely active in my sorority, even running for office. I was also taking Hydroxycut (the old school Hydroxycut with ephedra – back when OTC diet pills actually worked) and usually only ate about ½ of a ham sandwich per day (i was accidentally starving myself as a side effect of the ephedra and my hectic schedule). I was wearing a hot pink Kappa Delta shirt and jean shorts… my hair was styled curly and half-up. It is forever etched in my memory… Ahhhh, the one that got away.2. This, unfortunately, can be added to the list of recurring themes. Fellas, if I might be permitted to digress momentarily: what in the hell has given you all the idea that it is okay to only hang out with a girl behind closed doors, never taking her out in public or treating her to dinner and/or a movie?!! What’s that you say? Oh, it’s the fact that we, as women, not only accept this kind of behavior, but come back for more again and again? Oh…. Well touché, then. Moving right along… (FYI to the ladies AND the gentlemen (and my current self) – we are worth MORE THAN THIS!!!!!)
The Story:
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| I don't know what it is with me and some New Balance tennis shoes…. but damn! I love 'em! |
I realize
that this outfit sounds terrible, but he actually looked cute. He rarely spoke
in class and when he did, it was just a few words. Regardless, I wanted him to
want me. The planets finally aligned and we were assigned to a group project
together… with the most annoying girl in class, who was a total trash ball. We
sat down to work on the project and Ms. Trash herself was the one making Regi
smile instead of ME making him smile. This was NOT going as planned, and quite frankly was unacceptable behavior. I became
discouraged, quiet, and withdrawn4. At the end of class, I grabbed
my bag and exited the classroom. To my surprise, Regi was in hot pursuit and he
asked for my number. I’m sure he gave me some song and dance in order to obtain
my phone number, but I honestly can’t recall what was discussed other than him saying he had been waiting for me to talk to him all semester (eeeeeeeepppppppp!!!!!!!), all I know is
that I was REALLY excited.
3. Ladies, we’ve all had our flings with bad boys. There seems to be something written in the female DNA that absolutely REQUIRES us to have some kind of roll in the proverbial (or literal) hay with a bad boy. Most of us, thank ya Jesus, get it out of our system after one… or two.
4. I know this is impossible for y’all to imagine.
I also can’t
remember how much time lapsed between when he got my number, when he actually
called, and when we got together5. I do, however, remember thinking as I approached his apartment that it closely resembled government sanctioned housing, and I was a little bit (read: a LOT) alarmed. I went inside and proceeded to
play with his Pit Bull puppy, Briley. She was about eight weeks old, aptly
named “after the street where she was born” (no lies – that’s a true story) and
she was mean as a damned snake. Now, don’t get me wrong, y’all know I’m a huge Pit advocate, but this little bitch was inbred or something. I have NEVER been
around a dog like this one. She was a ferocious beast, biting and shaking human
flesh at every opportunity. He ended up giving her away and who knows what
happened to the poor pup. Anyways – I digress…
During this
“date” Regi made two grave errors, which will be discussed in detail
individually. Firstly, after learning that Forrest Gump was, is, and always
will be my favorite movie of all time, he inaccurately quoted how many Dr.
Peppers Forrest drank while waiting to meet the President6. He
proceeded to argue with me about it until we were forced to watch that section
of the movie so that I could prove him wrong.
5. I found a journal that I had kept for a few months during this time of my life (my journal habits have always been half-hearted and sporadic) that detailed my feelings for Regi (it is KILLING me not being able to write his actual name – but alas, I don’t want to get sued, so Regi it is). Next to the date of the first entry dealing with mine and Regi’s romance were several hearts, which is a big deal for me. I don't dole out a heart willy-nilly, much less "several" hearts. Also, he had apparently told me that he had been having “that feeling that runs through you” all weekend after he had gotten my number. My nineteen year old heart soared – my almost thirty-one year old heart wonders if he had diarrhea pains, most often referred to as “the hot cramps” by yours truly (that one’s for you, Ty!). I say all of this to reiterate the point that I was a GONER from minute one. I was vulnerable and he happened to strike while the gettin’ was good (In actuality, I honestly don't think he had any ulterior motives. Regardless, it was still Bad news bears).
6. Brownie points to those of you who know the answer WITHOUT looking it up!!
The second
error was Regi revealing just how unintelligent he actually was, which,
consequently, was quite unintelligent. That conversation proceeded as follows:
Me: I love dill pickles. They should be their own food
group.
Regi: Ewww! You eat pickles?? Sick!
Me: <laughing> What? Why are pickles sick?
Regi: Don’t you know how a pickle becomes a pickle?!
<with a look of utter revolt on his face>
Me: Uhhhh… It sits in pickle juice for a while? <totally
missing the memo on why this is so disgusting>
Regi: NO!!! It, like, goes through a chemical change!!!
Me: So… you don’t eat any food that’s gone through a
chemical change?
Regi: OF COURSE NOT!
Me: So… you don’t eat cooked food? Ice? ……
Regi: Gosh, you’re really smart….
Me: Mmmm hm….
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| "Eeeewwwwwwwwww….." |
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At some
point that night I met his sister (she stopped by) and distinctly remember her wearing really short jean
shorts with tall white socks and k-swiss shoes. She was also a fan of extremely
dark lipliner (I’m talkin dark brown eyeliner) and clear gloss. WRECK.
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| I can neither confirm nor deny that this is, in fact, her… ok, it's not. |
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| pretty sure she was going for exhibit A |
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| but she ended up with exhibit B… only she was Caucasian. |
We didn’t
hang out after that, but for years to come he would affectionately introduce me
as I entered Nashville and Murfreesboro area clubs where he happened to be
DJing. I would go to the DJ booth to flirt with him, bring him shots and
request songs. I always got a birthday shout out, and my song requests were ALWAYS played… It was cool. I’ve definitely
had faux-mances that have ended in worse ways. To my knowledge he is still
DJing in the area. Nice enough guy, but come on, man. Let’s get a big boy job
with big boy hours already. We’re THIRTY. It’s not cool anymore (if it ever was).
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| Regi-Reg's future gigs in cheap hotel lobbies. I love a man with ambition! |
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